Like the majority of Americans, I am fluent in English only. And like the majority of Americans, I assume people nearly everywhere will accommodate me.

Last week I visited a friend in Costa Rica and, while I managed just fine, I discovered what it must be like to come to the U.S. unable to speak English.

My adventure began when I arrived at the customs counter at the airport. The customs agent spoke very little English. I speak no Spanish. We smiled.

“Where are you from?” she asked, haltingly.

“Denver,” I responded.

She shook her head. “Where are you from?” she repeated.

“Denver,” I repeated, feeling dense.

She shook her head and tried again. “Where are you from?”

“Miami?” I ventured, since that’s where I had to change planes to get to San Jose, Costa Rica.

A relieved smile crossed her face. She pounded my passport with a stamp and waved me through.

It was the beginning of a week of feeling helpless, embarrassed and stupid.

Service employees and many who work in the tourist industry speak pretty decent English in Costa Rica and most signs and important documents are bilingual. Still, to enjoy anything from ordering properly in a restaurant to having a casual conversation with a new acquaintance requires competence in the language of the people.

As a result, my friend handled all communications duties, and I played the role of the ugly – or at least mute – American. While everyone around me laughed and conversed, I smiled stupidly.

It’s an experience that might benefit Newt Gingrich and the English-only crowd.

Those who are so hell-bent on passing legislation to make English our official language fail to see the obvious: It already is.

Sure, those signs on buses may come in both English and Spanish, but ask a bus driver how to get to Westminster in Spanish and you’re likely to draw little more than an “Adios, sucker” in response.

By virtue of our limited language abilities, anyone visiting or moving to the U.S. is required by harsh reality to speak English. English-only laws are about as necessary as laws to make the dollar the official currency. Sure, you might be able to barter now and then to get by, but the dollar – and English – are almighty here.

The meager accommodation we make to new immigrants by providing bilingual education to help children learn English in some schools and bilingual instructions on some government forms is hardly the threat to the Republic that Gingrich suggests.

In fact, it has been common practice in this country for 150 years, dating back to the days when our grandparents attended elementary schools that taught classes in German, Norwegian, even Greek in some neighborhoods.

The last time laws were proposed to limit bilingual education was during World War I when attempts were made to prohibit teaching another un-American language – German – in the schools.

Then, as now, the legislation was pointless, and inspired by prejudice.

One of the strongest values in American families has been to honor our ancestors with ethnic food, music, culture and traditions, and language is a fundamental part of that. For generations, the pressure of everyday life has been a powerful incentive for immigrants to learn English.

English-only laws would accomplish one thing though. They would proclaim to the world yet again our supreme arrogance.



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