Rejoice, Californians, rejoice! Ron Unz, he of anti-bilingual, Proposition 227, fame, is looking for new issues to champion. That is where we, the people of California come in. Bear in mind that when Ron lost his bid for the governorship, he did not abandon us. No indeed, instead he sought a way to save us from ourselves and boost his sagging ego. And Proposition 227, however ill conceived its opponents think it was, was born.
Well, I may be a lot of things, but I am not an ingrate! Therefore, I have an idea for Ron Unz to champion that will make Prop 227 seem like child’s play. In fact, it will make people forget the half-baked, anti-bilingual initiative! Remember that Unz is dedicated to eliminating programs, like bilingual education, that do not work. It matters not what they are. Thankfully, he is committed to saving us from ourselves.
That is what gave me the idea. I thought about all the public endeavors that are down-right failures. As you can imagine, the list was endless. Try compiling a list of useless programs yourselves and you will readily see what I mean. It was extremely difficult to choose which program was the worst because so many qualify for the nadir spot. But after much deliberation and divine guidance, I made my selection.
The biggest failure of all programs is driving on the right hand side of the road! All that anyone has to do is look at the number of accidents, the road rage and deadly confrontations and the carnage and deaths that occur every day. How much longer must drivers of California be subjected to such an ordeal? Obviously, driving on the right hand side of the street is totally inane. Therefore, like bilingual education, it must be eliminated immediately!
Anyone with a modicum of intelligence can see, that by comparison, the danger posed to our society by bilingual education, pales into insignificance! Here is an issue that Ron Unz can use to satisfy his egomania, and then some. Ron, listen carefully: Draw up an initiative that will require Californians to switch from driving on the right hand side of the road to driving on the left hand side of the road. And the switch, like eliminating bilingual instruction, must be made within 60 days!
Is that idea a winner or what? Ron, I knew you would like it. To sell it to the voters you could cite the indisputable fact that the English drive on the left hand side of the street and have far fewer accidents than we have. And just as you got a teacher in Orange County to act as your point person or shill on Proposition 227, you can get a disgruntled CHP officer or an AAA employee to front for you on this issue as well.
Quite frankly, Ron, at first, this may seem like a half-baked idea to many people, but don’t sell the voters of California short. Use the same inane approach that advertising agencies use so successfully. Say it loud enough and often enough and people will eventually accept it as gospel. After all, they heard it on TV! That eliminates the need of having to think in order to make up their minds about an issue.
And Ron, don’t worry if the people living in Huntington Park and places like that don’t approve of the idea. Forget about them, they are always opposed to new ideas and progressive change even when, like Proposition 227, it is for their own good! Remember your loyal supporters in the gated estates and wealthy suburbs. They were the ones who voted 70 percent or more in favor of your anti-bilingual initiative. And in most cases, it didn’t even affect their children! That shows you how dedicated they are to eliminating flawed programs.
Their support and influence should make an initiative calling for banning driving on the right hand side of the road a shoo-in! One problem is that since many of them are far-right oriented, they may view doing anything on the left as political treason. Ron, point out to them that their counterparts, the conservative British Tories, drive on the left side of the road without it having any adverse effect on their political orientation. I hope you pursue this suggestion, Ron. Believe me, it’s the kind of painless, simplistic cure for a complex issue that California voters love!
Ray Rodriguez is a free-lance writer whose column appears weekly. His address: P.O. Box 8220, Long Beach, CA 90808.
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